A Quest Through Chaos: My Narrative of Illness and Recovery — Page 2:
6 According to Bonner and McKay, an illness narrative is most often autobiographical in nature and “recount[s] an individual’s experience with accident and disease, usually tracing the situation from onset through diagnosis, treatment and recovery” (156). Illness narratives allow damaged bodies a privileged means of recovery and a way to navigate the worlds of health and illness. People enter into narrative predominantly out of a desire for self-exploration, but also to help others going through a similar experience. Many note that in the process of telling their illness narrative they experienced healing and a renewed identity (see Sherr Klein; DeSalvo). Illness narratives adopt different structures but can usually be categorised as chaos, restitution or quest (Frank, The Wounded Storyteller 53).
7 The chaos narrative lacks reflection as recovery is not a recognisable possibility, while in the restitution narrative, a recovery of the self as it existed before the onset of illness is emphasised, and restoring health is the basis of the storyline. Finally, in the quest narrative, the illness is seen as a calling and recovery is dependent on acknowledging a changing world view and sense of self (DeSalvo 199). Combining these narrative structures documents and aids recovery. These narrative types move alongside each other as the story continually unfolds (Thomas-MacLean 1648).
8 I have used the documentary film medium twice to document my illness narrative. However, it was not until I had finished the second film that I felt I had personally gained something out of it, emerging as a changed person. During the making of the second film I described it as:
A story about Katie Ellis a 21 year old who after suffering a massive stroke at the age of 18 wants to find healing by turning her stroke into a documentary to gain insight enabling her to get on with her life as someone new. (With Both Hands Directors’ Statement April 2000)
9 I wrote that the success of this aim would simply be in completing the documentary. However, I had already completed a documentary the previous year; if the success was simply in making the film, why was I not satisfied? I initially described this earlier film in these terms:
An 18-year-old girl has a severe stroke. She is not affected mentally but physically she is left totally paralysed on one side of her body. She is placed in a rehabilitation hospital with other stroke patients about three times her age. She feels no one else understands but internalises this feeling. At first she is very outwardly depressed and keeps to herself in the hospital and doesn’t associate with the other patients but as time goes on and she improves she begins to rely more on the other patients than her friends. She has been told that she will never fully recover and that her arm and foot in particular will probably never actively function again. She knows that this is true but cannot admit it to other people let alone herself. (In Between Spaces Directors’ Statement August 1999)
10 While at this stage I was beginning to address thoughts and feelings with detailed accounts, I don’t appear to be writing about my personal experiences. Although both documentaries were about myself—and I had control over what went into each—there is an obvious difference in approach. I wrote about wanting to remake the film:
I wanted to tell my story not just to work out my changing identity but also to guide others. Restoring my health was the basis of the story line of a previous film I had made. While at first this story seemed cathartic, I needed to make a film where I linked my feeling with events in a detailed way. When I made this link a sense of purpose emerged. My struggle became an opportunity for journey. (With Both Hands Directors’ Statement February 2001)